I started to question who I am really when I was 27 years old. I felt a connection to something mystically cosmic deep inside of me and all around me.. Including the trees, the clouds, animals, the stars, and all the organic beauty that surrounds us. I suddenly found myself changing my diet, my dressing style, the music I listened to, movies I watched, and much more. After years of embracing my true self, while in my 30s, I met with someone whom I knew from my time in High School, and she said to me that she thought that I was reinventing myself because of how “different” I had become in her eyes. I told her that I wasn’t changing into anything but that I was actually unbecoming all that I wasn’t — an insecure people-pleaser who dressed and behaved just like everyone else.

Years prior to that conversation, someone else also asked me what my style was and I answered.. “My style… I actually don’t know what my style is.” I really did not know because I had been trying to fit into a society that was seeking to mold me in every way possible. A program that sometimes sees authenticity as a virus because it threatens established control and order.

I know that I am a little different than most people today, but that is okay because I am happy. I get to write odd poems that speak to my soul and while I know that most people may not understand them, I know that very few are able to and that is more than enough for me, to connect in one way or another with those who understand me from an intimate and intuitive level. I may dress in an odd and monochromatic style now, and I feel comfortable in such clothing. I know that I only laugh when something is hilarious and that people have called me arrogant because of it, but it’s okay too, because those who really know me know that when I laugh, it’s genuine and not just because.  

Just like I can see and embrace the truth in myself, I can also see the truth in others and that allows me to connect authentically with those who can recognize the truth in me too, those who are awake. It allows me to forgive others also because I understand so much now. I am not perfect, I still have battles to overcome and shadows to transmute, so the work continues. I also know that it isn’t about the destination but about the journey, so as I continue to move forward, I am smelling the roses.