What if I told you that freeing yourself from the control of a narcissist can be incredibly tough—but still possible? That to attain such freedom, you must most likely make painful sacrifices, such as staying away from your child and/or relocating to an entirely different city?
In this lifetime, I once believed I was a victim of those driven by darkness, only to realize that the tribulations I encountered were meant to strengthen me and awaken me to my true potential. For so long, the light in me led me to believe in the purity of all people, making me naive. Over time, heartbreak showed me that not everyone is as they seem—and that what I had seen all along was my own reflection. I’d ask myself, while sobbing on the kitchen floor many times: How could someone who claimed to truly love me cause me so much pain? I gave my power away by relying on the validation and affection of another.
My ex—the father of my son—caused me great pain for many years. He held me in a tight grip that drained me and even drove me to attempt suicide after I expressed how badly I had been suffering and he told me to “go for it.” I’ve had to stay away from my son for almost three years now so that I can be safe from his father’s abuse—and so that my son no longer has to witness me being treated that way. While my son resents me today for the tough decision I had to make, I trust that one day he will forgive me and understand why I made this sacrifice. I spoke recently with his father, and in that recorded conversation, I caught him attempting to gaslight me and yelling to force me to agree with what he said. In another phone call weeks later, he told me over the phone that he no longer yells at me or abuses me—again forcing me to agree—but the recorded call proves otherwise.
The manipulation of a narcissist can be very dangerous. I learned about narcissistic abuse while attending domestic violence counseling in 2020 to help deal with the ongoing abuse. Knowledge is power, for sure—learning about dark psychology allows me to protect myself better from people like my ex. I once loved him, but what I really loved was my own ability to feel such deep emotion. It allowed me to trust, to surrender, and to love past what some would call flaws. My son came from that raw emotion after his father asked me to have a child with him. Love is what started the story, and ironically, love is what ultimately seals it—self-love, that is: to place myself first and to be okay with it, because I do deserve peace, healing, and safety.
