Family court is often portrayed as a place where children's best interests come first. In my experience, it became a years-long battle marked by procedural irregularities, repeated scrutiny of my mental health without basis, and what felt like systemic bias. What began as a petition for protection and enforcement of existing orders turned into a long ordeal that tested my resilience and left lasting emotional scars.

The Background: Establishing Custody and Early Concerns

My son's custody was initially set in Suffolk County Family Court with joint legal and physical custody orders first established on March 2011 and Modified on May 2012. On November 2018, after ongoing verbal harassment and safety concerns, I filed petitions in Kings County Family Court: one for an order of protection and another to enforce the existing custody terms. On September 2019, my son's father sought modification for sole custody.

Entering the Courtroom: 

An Alarming First Encounter Before my initial conference in Part 50, I witnessed something unsettling. A visibly distraught woman exited the same conference room, arm in a cast, in tears. She warned me about the attorney-referee handling cases, alleging bias, racism, and failure to protect her from abuse. The court reporter quickly ushered me inside. This moment set a tone of unease that persisted. In March 2019, during my first appearance (self-represented at the time), I agreed to have the case heard by an attorney-referee. I detailed my fears, supported by my son's attorney at the time, who confirmed verbal attacks. Instead of addressing the abuse history which includes assault in the 3rd degree, the referee abruptly questioned my mental health without evidence and ordered both parties to drug test. I tested positive for opiates—despite never using them—possibly due to poppy seeds and gum (as the testing staff had warned). The referee advised me to get counsel immediately. A subsequent independent lab test (and voluntary PCP screens) came back negative, but the damage was done: it triggered a psychiatric evaluation and ACS (Administration for Children's Services) investigation. Both cleared me: ACS found no neglect, and the evaluator saw no mental health issues impacting my parenting. 

Escalating Scrutiny and Shifting Custody: 

Despite these clearances, accusations persisted. My son's attorney later claimed his pediatrician reported him "underweight" and follow-up refusal—false claims the pediatrician denied in writing. Yet, this led to a second ACS probe, another psychiatric evaluation, and a temporary order for my son to live primarily with his father (later reversed after evidence). The pattern continued: repeated mental health targeting, questions about my religion and diet unrelated to parenting, and ignored safety and abuse concerns. 

Pandemic Challenges and Safety Worries: 

In 2020, amid COVID-19, I sought to pause visits to protect my son's health (given vulnerabilities in the father's household). The court instead ordered alternating weeks, disrupting routines. Schoolwork suffered during his time there, but blame shifted to me. One weekend, the father left our son with relatives while traveling. The grandfather was heavily intoxicated during calls, raising alarms about supervision—especially during a power outage. Concerned for my son's safety, I requested a police wellness check and later reported to ACS. ACS noted access issues and refused drug tests by the father and grandfather. The court responded by prohibiting such reports, threatening mental health scrutiny and custody changes if I continued. 

Concerns were dismissed; no inquiry with my son occurred. Ongoing Harassment and Perceived Bias. Court appearances involved intimidation from opposing counsel—yelling, glaring, personal chats with the referee post-conference—creating a hostile environment. Offers for mediation, co-parenting counseling, or apps were rejected; the stance was sole custody or nothing. Forensic psychiatric evaluations were ordered (initially only on me, later both parties), despite no evidence. Police reports were misused and framed by unanimous callers to claim I made unwarranted calls (reports didn't identify me). My attorneys sometimes hesitated to challenge bias, citing potential backlash.

The Outcome and Reflections: 

The case dragged on until March 2023, when sole custody was awarded to the father—on a day I missed due to health issues. Absences by opposing counsel went unpunished, while mine were highlighted. This experience highlighted what many protective parents face: disproportionate scrutiny, ignored evidence of concern, and decisions that disrupt children's stability. It wasn't just about one case; it felt like a system where allegations against mothers are amplified, while fathers' issues minimized. 

I'm sharing this not for vengeance, but to raise awareness. Family court should prioritize verifiable facts, child safety, and fairness. If you're navigating something similar, document meticulously, seek support, and know you're not alone. Reform is needed so no child—or parent—endures unnecessary trauma. 

(On-going Report)

I once carried a burden so heavy it nearly buried me—until I learned to release it, realizing it was never mine to bear. That burden was resentment, a slow poison that can prove fatal if left untransmuted.

Through healing, I finally forgave the traumatic events that once clouded my heart and tainted my view of the world. For years, I blamed my biological father for the shadows he cast over me, until I understood that I am not his projections or his darkness. Layer by layer, I peeled away what I am not, rediscovering my true self and remembering who I truly am.

Today, I feel genuine gratitude for that darkness and pain. Without it, I wouldn’t be as wise, awakened, or resilient as I now stand. Everything happens for a reason.

Living under his shadow forced me to question the distorted reality he imposed. When I chose to break free from his shackles—prioritizing my sanity and safety—his fear of exposure led him to orchestrate my excommunication from the family through slander. What was once “family” I now simply call “relatives.” His narcissistic retaliation only deepened my anger and resentment—not just for the original abuse, but for this new punishment simply because I refused to pretend we were a happy unit any longer.

I don’t regret walking away. Sharing my story openly has lightened my heart in ways he, still hiding behind his lies, can never know. There’s profound beauty in reaching a place of unshakeable security—like the deepest roots of an ancient tree—where gaslighting and denial lose their power.

I’ve released the baggage of blame and resentment toward my father. Forgiveness doesn’t mean inviting him back into my life; it means I am now free to soar—unapologetically, fearlessly, and fully myself.

Holding public officials accountable for misconduct is essential to preserving the integrity of the legal system. This includes individuals like Austin I. Idehen, a crooked attorney who has served in the New York family court system, including in Kings County Family Court. I became a victim of what I believe were unethical and incompetent actions on his part, and I have chosen to share my story bravely in order to expose the lack of integrity among those entrusted to uphold the law.

On November 27, 2018, I submitted a petition at Kings County Family Court, seeking enforcement of the final joint custody order granted on May 17, 2012, in Suffolk County Family Court. In my petition, I urgently requested the court’s assistance in protecting my son and me from further exposure to his father’s abuse toward me. During proceedings, Idehen acknowledged the validity of the existing joint custody order—one that explicitly prohibited any form of abuse.

Photo above: Final Joint Custody Order granted by Suffolk County Family Court on May 17, 2012 (Docket # V-3903-11 / 12C).
This order finalized joint legal and physical custody of my son between his father and me, incorporating explicit provisions prohibiting abuse and establishing the operative terms for all subsequent proceedings in this docket.

Photo above: Kings County Family Court’s Transcripts from March 13th, 2019. Idehen verbally confirms the validity of the final custody order. 

Despite Idehen's acknowledgment of the validity of the final joint custody order—which explicitly prohibited any form of abuse—he proceeded months later to file a motion on the father's behalf seeking to modify the custody arrangement that had already been established and modified in 2012. This action occurred even though the father had explicitly told Idehen that he did not want sole custody when asked to pursue such a filing.

Photo above: Idehen’s Petition to modify Joint Custody that was granted by Suffolk County Family Court on March 11th, 2011, Docket # V-3903-11. In this petition, he requests for sole custody.

Throughout the custody proceedings, Austin I. Idehen, as counsel for the father, engaged in repeated unprofessional, inappropriate, and concerning conduct that undermined the integrity of the process. Examples include:

• Inappropriately comparing his own child and the attorney-referee‘s child to my son.
• Casually sharing personal conversations and laughing with his close friend—the attorney-referee—about their vacations during court-related interactions.
• Appearing in virtual hearings dressed in a white tank top, drinking from a mug in what appeared to be a relaxed, casual home setting (such as from a porch or similar), despite expectations of professional attire in New York family court proceedings.
• Repeatedly insisting that I had no family support.
• Yelling at me and accusing me of falsehoods, fully aware of my PTSD diagnosis resulting from childhood sexual abuse by my father starting at age 13.
• Asserting that his client could smoke marijuana in front of my son, even though this would directly violate the existing custody order’s prohibitions.
• Baselessly accusing me of attempting to have my son murdered by the NYPD solely because he is biracial, without any supporting evidence.
• Failing to ensure proper service of the custody modification petition and a separate child support petition (no affidavit of service is recorded in the court’s system).
• Dismissing or accusing me of fabricating the sexual abuse that led to my PTSD diagnosis.
• Instructing my son’s attorney on what to communicate to his client.
• Claiming I was isolating my son from his father, without any attempt to interview my son for over two years to verify or investigate the allegation.
• Denying the father’s history of aggression, despite full knowledge of the physical assaults I had endured.
• Threatening that I would lose all access to my son if I did not voluntarily relinquish custody.
• Stating that my teenage son’s own opinions and experiences did not matter.
• Coercion and harassment.

Photo above: Suffolk County Police Department Report – Third-Degree Assault (Long Island, NY).
This incident report, filed with the Suffolk County Police Department, documents an assault in the third degree that I experienced from my son’s father. It supports the abuse claims outlined in my court petitions (e.g., the 2018 filing under Docket # O-30104-18) and aligns with the protections in the existing order of protection throughout the custody case. It highlights the serious nature of the reported incidents that the family court failed to investigate adequately.

Photo above: Excerpt from the court transcript where Austin I. Idehen states that his client is “not” a violent person. However, the order of protection referenced in the proceedings did not require the father to stay away from my son; it required him only to refrain from abusing me. Despite this, the attorney-referee who oversaw the case chose not to investigate the father’s alleged abuse, even though the order of protection remained in effect from 2019 until 2023.

This lack of scrutiny, combined with the documented personal friendship between Idehen and the attorney-referee (including shared conversations about vacations and personal matters during proceedings), raises serious concerns about potential bias influencing the handling of the case.

Photo above: Selected client reviews of Austin I. Idehen from a public platform.
These include several harsh criticisms from former clients, with some describing him as “by far the worst attorney I’ve ever dealt with,” “not professional,” “unresponsive,” and failing to communicate or appear in court. 

Photo above: Attempted Filing of Civil Lawsuit Against Austin I. Idehen in New York Supreme Court, 2024. Index 101340/2024.
In 2024, I traveled to New York Supreme Court to file a million-dollar civil lawsuit against Austin I. Idehen, alleging multiple violations of professional conduct, coercion, harrassment, defamation, and the severe harm his actions caused to me and my family. Unfortunately, due to a debilitating illness I was battling at the time, I was unable to complete service of process on him. Despite this, Idehen became aware of the legal action through his colleagues/co-workers.

Photo above: Screenshot of a text message from the father of my son, in which he states that Austin I. Idehen instructed him to file for sole custody.

Meanwhile, the attorney-referee overseeing the case issued an order—without adequate evidentiary support—for the father to transport my son to school in Brooklyn. The father resided approximately 34 miles away from our home, making this directive highly burdensome and causing significant distress to both my son and me.

Photo above: Email from Austin I. Idehen dated March 1, 2023.
In this correspondence, Idehen informed me that sole custody of my son had been granted to his client (the child’s father) by the attorney-referee—whom he described or implied as a personal friend, based on prior documented interactions during the proceedings (including shared personal details like vacations). This outcome followed years of ignored abuse allegations and an active order of protection, raising serious questions about impartiality in the process.

Photo above: First joint custody order granted by Suffolk County Family Court on March 11, 2011 (Docket # V-3903-11).
This order established joint legal and physical custody of my son between his father and me. It served as the foundational custody arrangement until it was finalized/modified in 2012.

Photo above: Petition filed November 27, 2018 (Docket # O-30104-18, Kings County Family Court).
In this filing, I detailed the ongoing abuse I was enduring from my son’s father and sought enforcement of the existing joint custody order while requesting court protection for myself and my child. Despite an active order of protection throughout the custody proceedings (prohibiting abuse), the attorney-referee overseeing the case completely ignored these serious allegations and failed to order any investigation

(On-going Report )